From the writer and performer comes a blistering memoir exploring masculinity, mental health, addiction and heartbreak

THE INSTANT SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLER

'Brutally honest as well as poetic' DOLLY ALDERTON
'Necessary, urgent and totally original' AFUA HIRSCH
'Essential reading for men of all ages' CALEB FEMI

Someone once asked me how I'd want to be remembered. I said, 'As the boy who grew.'

Love is a gift, isn't it? From our early childhood years to growing up and pairing off, it's a feeling we chase knowing we're better off with it. But what if love is claustrophobic and conflicting? And what if at the same time we're chasing addictions to drugs, drink, sex and chaos?

Diagnosed twice with ADHD, Jordan Stephens found his teens and twenties a whirl of career success and nurturing friendships but also a brutal pattern of self-harm, hedonism, destructive coping mechanisms and heartbreak. When he tried to live up to his own damaged expectations and his world exploded, he stepped away from his previous existence completely and allowed himself to explore the pain he'd repressed his entire life.

Unsparingly digging into the fear, tenderness and trauma he carried in his body and mind, and the confusing assumptions of what a young man should be, Jordan Stephens discovers what it means to be a modern man, why we should all open ourselves up to life, and how the price we pay for love in all its forms is worth it.